Jokes

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

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Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."

So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."

So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."

So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"

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Who is Smarter than the Smartest?

Once four MBA students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. Then they went up to the dean and said that they had gone to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. The Dean was a Just person so he said that you can have a retest after three days. They said they were ready. On the third day they appeared before the dean. The Dean said that as this was a special condition all four were required to be in separate rooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in last three
days.

The test consisted of two question with a total marks of 100.

Q1. Write down your Names. (2 marks)
Q2. Which tyre burst ? (98 marks)

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Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering -
Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?
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Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...
Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem hogi.
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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
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Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
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A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A Person: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Airtel cell phone but still hutch network is
Following me.

"Quotes"

"The reverse side also has a reverse side."
"Either do not begin or,have begun do not give up."
"It's begger's pride that he is not thief."

"Do not look back in anger, or forward in fear , but around in awarness."
--James Thurber

Character cannot be developed in ease and quite. Only through experiences of trial and Suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.
--Helen Keller

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you .
--Richard Bach, from illusions

Thing don't change.You change your way of looking.
--Carlos Cataneda

Cherish your vision and your dream, as they are the children of your soul; the buleprints of your ultimate achievements.
--Napolean Hill

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired."
- Robert Frost

"The man who regards life as meaningless is not merely unfortunate, but almost disqualified for life."
-----Albert Einstein

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."
------- Leonardo da Vinci

"To believe is very dull. To doubt is intensely engrossing. To be on the alert is to live, to be lulled into security is to die."
----Oscar Wilde